MOVING ON                                                           31DEC2017

 

“The root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have.”  ~Pema Chodrun

“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.”  ~Tony Robbins

 

It would be so neat and tidy to be able to wrap up this blog, which documents my most recent cancer struggle, by crowing about my return to health and by claiming to, finally, feel confident that I am cancer-free and expect to remain so. I would resolutely and with great determination, declare myself “back to normal” and hell-bent on embracing behaviors that will keep me in optimum health. Ta-dah! The End.

Well, neat and tidy has never been my preferred path since such a way seems both shallow and deceptive, hiding all of the shades and flavors and, yes, the messiness of what I perceive to be reality. It also obscures the truth that neat & tidy can only be a temporary state and, therefore, cannot be relied upon. So unknowing triumphs and, for me, resonates closer to truth. Rather than being sure that my body houses no creeping, morphing, potentially lethal cells, I will say that, as far as I know, the cancer is, for now, gone. Whether it is lurking, ever returns or is replaced by another life-threatening illness is not something that needs to be contemplated today because, in this moment, it doesn’t matter a whit. What does matter now, today, is that I feel gloriously alive and deeply content. I am certain of my direction and can hear, loud and clear, the urgings of my heart. And I am extraordinarily grateful- grateful for life itself, for new eyes and ears, as well as for what is, I think, a modicum of wisdom. Most of all, though, I am grateful for loved ones in my life and the ongoing opportunity to savor them and to love them back.

It’s time to move on now, to close this brief journal and let it stand as what it was intended to be- an account of one important chapter in my emotional and spiritual journey, written with the hope that readers, at least one or two of them, will be moved by my words and, perhaps, inspired or supported by them. All that we can ever hope to do in this life, I believe, is to walk with one another for a time and offer a bit of encouragement along the way. I hope that this blog has succeeded in doing that for someone.

So while I go forward into 2018, I’ll remember 2016 as a year filled with shock, terror, despair and sadness, while 2017 was dedicated to an emerging from hell and then taking deep rest. This next, new year will begin with a hope for even greater transformation and a determination to try to live a life guided by the lessons I have learned. The next chapter, then, will most fittingly be entitled, “New Shoes.” I look forward to sharing what evolves…